In Light of Eternity

 “But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;”

I Corinthians 7:29-30

God often says that HIS wisdom far exceeds man’s. That His ways are not our ways. That His thoughts, not ours. And in the light of Eternity, things are different than we see on Earth. Often we get caught up, distracted, with what we see around us. By the lives we daily live. Or, even by the expectations we hold.

Brethren, the time is short“. Our lives are like vapors, according to the book of James. They come and go very quickly. And we build so much of our dreams and hopes for happiness on that short vapor. How often we live for ourselves with little thought past that. Jesus says how we are to run a race. And he that would win, must run all.

 “It remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;” This part of the verse really struck me recently. We, especially us young ladies, build so much of our hopes and dreams on marriage. We just do. We dream of it. Hope for it. Prepare for it. And when it doesn’t come when we expect, we fall into despair and imagine that the worst has happened- singleness forever. We anticipate our lives to be something…and we put a great deal of stake into it. And honestly, we were created to be a help-meet to men. Eve was made from Adam, for Adam. And God said it was good. We were created with the desire to be wanted, to be a partner in work, to build along side, to fulfill someone special, to nourish homes and raise children. And that’s okay. In fact, it is healthy. But, this natural desire must be put in and kept in check with what God asks us to do individually. What His will is for you, right where you are now. And what our goal should be as Christians, and as single Christian ladies. According to I Corinthians 7 here, marriage on earth compared to the eternity of heaven, is almost as if it hadn’t happened at all. Can you imagine? In heaven, there is no giving or taking of marriage. And even here on earth, the life we live is so short in comparison to what Christ says will be, it cannot even be compared to it. Does it matter that you ever get married on earth? I’d say it matters, not because it is the essential to happiness or earthly life, but because it matters how we spend the short life we have been given. That we were content in the will of God. So what is most important? What does the Lord say will matter into Eternity? Certainly not whether we marry or stay single. But, that we have done the will of God. Christ is our example. He came to do the will of His Father. For us, that could be in marriage. It could not be. But whether it is or isn’t matters little in weight of an eternal perspective.

And they that weep, as though they wept not.” Christ also says that weeping may last for the night, but joy cometh in the morning. Life can really hurt. People can really hurt us. Sometimes weeping is a small relief to the pain that we hold within our hearts. Sometimes we weep alone… even for a life time maybe. Suffering is as normal to the Christian, as is the joy of having Salvation itself. Christ commands us to expect it. And so we weep. But this too, in light of Eternity, is short and vanishing. We may weep here. But, someday, it will be as if we had not wept at all. That is amazing to me. The heartaches that seem to crush our world, change our lives, and estrange our paths, are not always remembered or as crucial as they often appear.

“And they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not.” Happiness too is fleeting. How deceived we often are into living for what we call “happiness”. No one wants to be miserable. We all want to get our own way. Human nature is never satisfied and incredibly self gratifying. But even when we do rejoice, when we do feel happy, or enjoy the preciousness of life, it is still NOTHING compared to Eternity. Having a good time is often so important to us… right now. Or, in the moment. But when compared to what is everlasting? It forces you to stop and think. 


“And they that buy, as though they possessed not.” Good thing you have your house paid for. Or that you own that car you’ve always wanted. Or maybe you made that really great career choice. (Okay, I’m being a little sarcastic.) Having a car is a blessing. Having your house paid for is smart. And a good career is practical. I’m not saying these things are wrong. But Christ says, in light of Eternity… it will be as if you never owned them at all. In our life span here, it seems extremely important. It’s what everyone works towards. But is it really? Jesus said, with food and raiment therewith to be content. We have far exceeding this. 


So, what matters in light of Eternity? What will never die? What is truly important and valuable? Not things. Not marriage. Not happiness. Not hardship. “Set your affections on things above, and not on things on the earth.” (Colossians 3) Here are just a few things…


God Himself. The Soul. People. Lives. Salvation. Knowing Jesus Christ. Serving the Lord. Rewards. Hell. The lost. Disobedience. Obedience. Serving others. Giving. The Word of God. Relationships. The Church. Time. And how we spent that time. 

Advertisements

Singleness– Gift or Curse?

Singleness — Gift or Curse?

I know some of us get sick of hearing that singleness is a “gift”.

Many times women echo similar thoughts of my own heart.

Women crave to be held. To experience the ecstatic energy of being thought about and wanted and singular in someone’s mind. We see a young family in the restaurant enjoying their children and we yearn for it.

We are tired of providing for ourselves. We want to come behind a man and enable him to be the godly man God envisions him to be. We want to make a difference. We desire the security and protection of our man. Our heart yearns and it cannot be fulfilled. We are sometimes lonely.

How is this a gift?

Say it wasn’t a gift. Say it was a curse. What then?

There have been many times in my life I found myself in less than desirable circumstances. Not so very long ago I was curled up on my bed in the fetal position begging God to kill me. I was in so much pain. I faced the possibility of lymphoma. The grueling two year journey towards health. I’ve experienced people maligning me. I’ve had good friends misunderstand me. I’ve fought demons. I’ve had some of the dearest people in my life break my heart. I’ve questioned God’s mercy. And I’ve lived with depression.

Were these times in my life a gift or a curse?

These things made me fall on my face desperate for a living God. These circumstances stretched my faith until the breaking point, only to grow it stronger. They molded me. They taught me the sovereignty of God. These experiences led me on a journey of repentance. They taught me thankfulness for my relationships. These “evil” things showed me a better glimpse through that dark glass of who God really is. I no longer took certain things for granted. They are the best things that ever happened to me.

I am convinced that if God cursed me with singleness my response we be almost the same as if I found it to be a gift. I would rejoice. I would thank Him. Even though He slay me – I will still trust Him. And I am also certain that the “evil” parts of being single are the things that grow us. With the right heart, singleness can be the best thing that ever happened to us. It can be that thing that makes us fall on our face desperate for the living God. It can teach us who He really is and bring us on a journey of repentance. And it can give us a thankful heart.

But just as all my other experiences could have led me to be angry or bitter or discontent – so can singlehood. If we find ourselves angry with women who are content in their singlehood we need to take a look at our heart and repent of our selfish behavior. It is selfish. Because we then go around trying to dissuade others’ “delusions” of the grandeur of singleness. Plainly, that’s called discouragement. Repent ladies. We aren’t supposed to be discouraging our sisters.

I understand some women are silly. Some women flaunt their singleness. Some women may even try to be proud of their status to soothe their desires. But, claiming singlehood as a gift does not negate the hardships and the hurts that come with singlehood. Saying singleness is good does not mean we think marriage is bad or under-par. Embracing our singlhood is not a cop-out because we were refused the desire of our heart. And finding joy in our singleness doesn’t mean we are starting a girl’s club with the years of singlehood as a our badges.

Singleness is a stage of life that can be beautiful. If it is a gift, which I believe it is, rejoice and embrace it. Learn from it. Use it. Give Him glory.

And if you cannot be convinced that it is a gift, rejoice in your curse. Learn from it. Use it. Give Him glory.

Can I Let Him Know I Like Him?

 

How to Interact with Guys

I recently was posed with the question:

Could we possibly let guys know we are interested in them?

If we look solely at biblical, positive examples of women interacting with men, we see Rebecca who was kind, respectful, and thoughtful.  Ruth was confident but humble, and thankful.  Abigail who was intelligent, gracious, humble and courageous.

And then there’s the three negative extremes.

1. We are Fearful Fawns.  Shy and shrinking.  We think this is demure and modest, when really it’s just foolish and harmful.  Deliberate shunning of all eligible young men isn’t godly.  🙂

2. Flaunting flirts.  Silly, stalking, clinging, gushing, flattery and leech -like behavior is also unbecoming.  🙂

3. Or Forward Feminists.  This is how it is Buster.

Would it be a sin to ask a guy out?  Probably not.

Would it have been a sin for Abigail to tell David to repent?  Probably not.

But Abigail boldly, virtuously, and intelligently moved David to repentance.  She allowed the Spirit to use her.  She obviously wanted an outcome:  David to have grace for her husband/family.  But she didn’t march down to David and tell him how it was.

We can never show too much of the Holy Spirit.  (Fruits of the Spirit).  But there’s something to be said about being wooed.  I don’t know about you ladies, but I personally desire to be pursued.  That principle is seen in the Bible.  Christ died for us ladies!  I think the man who is too terrified to say anything might not be the guy I’d like to marry.

Disclaimers!  It’s perfectly natural for a guy to be afraid of pursuing.  Our fear as women is:  I’m not beautiful enough.  A man’s fear:  I don’t have what it takes.  Rejection is fearful for any man.  (Not to mention some of us have fathers that carry shotguns…)  It’s healthy to have a little terror.  🙂  But if this keeps him from ever pursuing you, perhaps there’s good reason not to pursue him.

Anyone could take this idea too far:  “I’m not even going to smile at him or talk to him!  I mean — if he wants to marry me, he’s gonna have to work at this.”  That would simply be dumb.

Men are pursuers and initiators, principally, naturally and even spiritually.

 

Allowing a man to be a pursuer is healthy and godly.  Many women are tired of keeping their emotions “in the dark” and feel like it would be healthy to let the guy know they’re interested.  I’m not an advocate of having secret crushes or playing romantic mind-games. But approaching a man and “just letting him know” seems a little brash and inappropriate.

Pursuing a man unveils our viewpoint of men.

Men aren’t a class of potentials.  When we feel it’s necessary to “tell them how it is” it is a little red flag that maybe we’re wanting our way (right now please) and we’re feeling maybe we should be involved, even though we’d deny ill-trust on God or desperateness. If you can’t trust this guy to know when to ask to pursue, why would you trust him to be your head and family leader?  By letting a guy know we are interested we show our assumption that they don’t know.  Maybe they do but are waiting on God or His timing?  Maybe they do and they simply aren’t interested.  Just because we’re over the stereotypical “age of eligibility” doesn’t mean we need to give way to panic and unrest and wear “I’m single” t-shirts.

Worldly women often have a more sedate and secure sense of their singleness than we do!  Sisters — we don’t have to jump in on the Terror of Singlhood epidemic that’s spreading in Christian circles.  God is still in control.  Even if things aren’t going the way we imagined.  We don’t have to propose in order to ensure marriage.

I am an advocate for being friends with godly men.  Instead of wondering if “he’s the one” we might be better off if we just try to be this man’s friend.  How can we be an encouragement?  How can we be a sister in Christ?  What can we learn from him?  We can be friends — even with someone else’s “one”.

We shouldn’t be afraid of saying hello first.  Most men don’t think you want to marry them because you said hi.  I’ve fallen for some of these weird “nice-Christian-girl” faux pas.  And then, when I threw those out the window, I found myself being too familiar and forward.  There is a balance!  An adventure we might live with the rest of our lives.  (Married women struggle with how to treat guy-friends too!).

Being comfortable with who I am has been a huge step in being guy’s friends.  When we are comfortable with who we are, we invite others to be at ease with themselves.  There’s no reason for us to intimidate men.  And it’s really a pride issue if we think we have to go to unreasonable efforts to hide ourselves or “protect a man’s purity”.  We can get over ourselves a little.  🙂

There are times I have laughed with my guy friends because we both found ourselves in an awkward situation– or we weren’t sure what would be appropriate.  (So, we are all in a circle and our host wants everyone to hold hands to pray….ah!  I’m standing next to “John”!  Hahaha).  It’s okay to acknowledge we don’t have this all figured out!

There’s nothing wrong with being approachable.  Even initiating some conversation.  Smiling.  Being ourselves helps men to be men.  We sometimes need to just relax!  Life is not all about romance!  But letting a guy know we are available is going beyond being approachable.

 

There aren’t rules and regulations on this.  Wisdom from others, biblical principles and guidelines and a little common sense goes a loooooooong way.  Who cares what Mrs. Matchmaker thinks?  But let’s be above reproach.  Who cares what Miss Feminist thinks?  But let’s not be socially awkward.

We ladies are given a gift.  We were given the power of influence.  This gives us a responsibility to encourage the men in our lives to be the godly men they should be.  Our wit, beauty and charm have very little to do with it.  But our conduct does!  (1 Pet. 3:2)

I am blessed with the men God has placed in my life.  How I treat them matters.  I can attest that my words, my actions have effected them.  Abigail wasn’t silent!  But she was prudent with how and what she said.  Are we good examples?  Are we edifying?  Are we sisterly and charitable?

Loved this quote:

“Our presence in society is not mute.  What we say has an effect, what we don’t say has an effect; what we laugh at has an effect. what we walk away from has an effect; the words we use have an effect; who we talk to and how we talk to them has an effect.  Young men notice.  Young women notice.  And when our behavior “set[s] the believers an example in speech, in conductm in love, in faith, in purity”  (1 Tim 4:12), it has the power to transform the social sene around us — even to turn mice into men.”  ~ Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin in “It’s (Not That) Complicated” p. 189 

Marriage: Why or Why Not?

I was talking with a group of single young ladies, when the subject of marriage was brought up. One of the these young ladies was well into her late 20’s, and casually mentioned the realization and serious possibility of her being single for the rest of her life. (After all, she was already “8 years” into old maid status!) A sober tension suddenly set over the room and you could have heard a pin drop. It was as if, someone had mentioned the unmentionable. Then one of the younger girls in the group braking the silence said, “Just the idea of never getting married makes me want to cry”. And I understand that feeling. Honestly, I do. Every girl that I’ve ever met, WANTS to be married someday. We’ve played house since we were girls and have often vividly imagined our wedding day or maybe the kind of housewives and mommies we would be someday. It’s a natural desire. But are we so SET on being married that we’ve actually built an idol in our heart? I hope not. Have we built a barrier that God isn’t allowed to pass? ‘God you have all of me, but you can’t have my singleness?‘ Really? That isn’t surrender. Surrender unconditionally lays everything on the table.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of getting married, or what it means to get married in general. Why do we get married? What motivates us? Why do we just expect God to make it happen someday? Honestly. Have you ever thought about it? I’d encourage you to.

In marriage vows you often hear the little words: “For better or for worse.” What does that mean? Exactly what it says. Marriage is not just something for our own gain. It cannot be selfish. You both give of yourselves, you both unconditionally love not matter what, you both are committed to staying faithful. And everyone would agree with that…once you’re married. But what about long before you ever make those kind of vows? As a single person I mean. Are our reasons for staying married to someone, the same as why we’d actually marry someone? Is it okay to marry someone for selfish immature reasons, even though it isn’t okay to stay with them for selfish immature reasons? I don’t think so. Love is a choice. As a single person, why are you hoping to get married?

I feel like God has been doing a lot of work in my heart recently with this very subject. Our natural desires for marriage, for intimacy, for a close relationship with that special someone, for children, even for all the adventures marriage would bring, are okay. They aren’t wicked. They are natural, even, God given. But just because they are such- also doesn’t mean they should be our motivating factor. Just because something is “natural” doesn’t make it our right to have. And just because God allows there to be a specific desire in our hearts, doesn’t mean He’d be unkind to not actually give it to us.

So, with these thoughts in mind, here are maybe just a few reasons  which should or shouldn’t motivate us in marriage that I’d like to share with you.

Marriage: Why or why not?

Maybe… why not? 

  • Because we expect it to give us happiness.
  • Because of sex hormones. 
  • Because it is just expected. (Especially by other Christians 
  • Because it would give us security. 
  • Because it would give us a form of identity. 
  • Because of companionship. 
  • Because it’s a godly desire and seems spiritual
  • Because maybe we’d feel “needed” by someone else.
  • Because we’d have attention.
  • Because of natural longing to “set up house”.
  • Because of the possibility of children.
  • Because we are unsure of what else to do with our lives.
  • Because it is just our natural “calling” as women.
  • Because we’re scared to be permanently alone.
  • Because it is an idol in our hearts.
  • Because we are discontent.
  • Because we like someone in particular. 
  • Because we don’t believe God is enough all by Himself.

But then maybe… Why?

 

  • Because it is God’s will for your life and you know it.
  • Because GOD desires it, not just you.
  • Because God has given peace and clear direction towards it.
  • Because you could serve God better with that person, than without that person.
  • Because your heart is open to whatever God wants to do.
  • Because you truly love someone.
  • Because you’re willing to give your life for someone else.
  • Because God has created and equipped us to be help meets. 
  • Because God created marriage to glorify Him.
  • Because marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church.
  • Because marriage is a gift from God.

I’m tired of seeing Christian girls waste their time looking for marriage, instead of running this race for Christ with Jesus as their prize. I’m horrified to watch so many young people carelessly jump into something so life changing and important, as marriage, with little thought towards God at all. I’m sick of other Christians adults looking at single people as incomplete or worthless. I’m saddened to think about how many people think that life is only about who you marry someday, and not actually the reason why you’d marry at all. 

I’m sure that marriage could be awesome someday. But how much more awesome would it be, rightly done, for the right reasons, with the right person, at the right time? God’s time. God’s way. God’s plan. For God’s glory. Because you both love Him? That would be worth living for. 

I’m an Old Maid — Now what?!

So, I’m 24 years old and unmarried.  In fact I’m not dating.  Not courting, not in a relationship – notta.

I actually had some people in my life come to me on my 24th birthday and try to “console” me.  Apparently I’ve reached hopeless “old maid” status.  And I didn’t even know it!  Here’s the thing —

I think a lot of Christian girls of my generation grew up with the thought that they would prepare to be a wife, graduate, and meet Prince Charming.  And then what?  Life!  We’d follow our husbands, have children, reign as housewife and serve God.

But for many of us, we turned 19 and Prince Charming browned on us.  So we decided we mustn’t be ready yet.  There must be more to learn in Virtuous Womanhood 101.

Twenty…um, still no Prince.

Twenty one… no sign of him.

Twenty two… okay, you’d think we’d have a hint…maybe a guy on a white charger on the horizon…

Twenty three — believe me!  I’ve learned everything there is to know about cooking, cleaning, serving, parenting and housekeeping.  I’m ready, God!

Twenty four — Signing my name under Martyr of Old Maid Status

(For some of us the years continue…)

I actually understand why “older” single women turn to their singleness as a form of identity and therefore find it their consolation and security.  We women can yearn so long for male companionship and fulfillment that when “he” won’t come, we go overboard in embracing “what we are” instead of “what we don’t have”.  It can be tempting.  And it sounds “good”.  Obviously there is nothing wrong with embracing our single-hood,  In fact it really ought to be embraced.  But our identity is who we are in Christ, not our marital status.  (Or lack thereof!).  We don’t have to flaunt our single-hood in order to accept and embrace it.

My dear maidens, I want to encourage you that marriage is not the hallmark of life.  It is not when life begins.  And though we were created to be a man’s helpmeet, and live with this natural yearning to fulfill that — there is more to womanhood than marriage.

I’ve seen girls treat the cultivation of their character/skills as preparation to be ” a good wife”.  Or in shallower more accurate words — they were working on being a good catch.

Our pursuit of godly womanhood has nothing to do with becoming “eligible”.  Culinary skills and character building have more purpose than ensuring we’re noticed.


So what is our purpose?  

I know that God gives individuals specific purposes.  But what is our purpose as women in general?

We were created to be helpers, to meet needs, to compliment men.  We can still fulfill this purpose without being married.

Who are the men God has placed in your life?  If you have a father, a brother(s), Pastor, or even brothers in Christ — God has placed you in a position to be a helper.  Of course we are not under submission or subject to these men in the way we are to our husbands.  (Eph. 5:22, Titus 2:5, 1 Pet. 3:1-5).

But we can look to heroines of faith and history to realize that many unmarried women fulfilled their purpose as helper without first being married.

Through Miriam, Moses’ sister, a nation was saved.  She ministered to her brother and her steadfastness, her obedience, her quick intellect saved Israel.

Mary, an unmarried women was chosen to be the mother of Jesus Christ, our Messiah.

Sophie Scholl, a German Nazi resister, was not only an inspiration to her country — but she was a faithful companion and confidant to her brother Hans.

Katharine Wright, Orville and Wilbur’s little sister is also a good example.  “Kate” used every opportunity to encourage her brothers to greatness.  Eventually she became their executive secretary and social manager.  She watched over their bicycle shop, paid bills, answered queries for scientific information, corresponded with newspapers and magazines and eventually became secretary of the Wright company.

These are a handful of the many unmarried women God has used.  We as women have the opportunity to be an encourager and helper to the men God has placed in our lives.  Just as we can also be selfish and ignore our opportunities.

Whether we marry or not, we can learn willingness and availability like Mary, we can learn courage and can stretch our intellect like Miriam.  We can learn to be trustworthy and faithful like Sophie, and serve and encourage like Katharine.  If we never marry these things will not be a waste.

There are Godly men in our generation.  I personally am surrounded by them.  Two examples:

My father is raising his children in the admonition of the Lord.  This godly pursuit is not easy in our age.  He and his helpmeet (mom) can use all the encouragement and service I have to offer.

My brother Chris is on the forefront battle against abortion.  He is part of a grassroots movement to abolish our nation’s child sacrifice, (AHA).  He is attacked not only by the world but by many Christians.

The men who desire to be godly in this generation need women who have backbone, convictions, intellect, compassion and femininity.  The world hates masculinity and godly leaders.  The world will constantly chip away at their integrity.

Though it is prudent to know how to keep a house, godly womanhood involves more than that.  It behooves us to have a grasp on current affairs, to have a worldview, to be interested in more than beauty tips and fashion buzz.

As daughters, sisters and wives we are ambassadors of those who care for us. How we dress, act and serve does matter.  We represent our heavenly and earthly father.  Men who can count on their counterparts are able to go father, reach more and stand stronger.

We are persuading voices.  We are guardians of purity.  We are feminine strength.  We are a safe friend.  We are prayer warriors.  We are faithful counselors.  We are listeners.  We are encouragers.

And this does not come about naturally.  We have to invest ourselves.  This involves sweat equity, time, prayer.  It means embracing our status as non-conformists.  We are a peculiar people — even among the peculiar.

Virtuous womanhood is more than becoming marriage materiel.  With Christ we are to walk worthy of the Lord, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God.  (Col 1:10).

Are you ready to engage the world through the spheres and people God has placed in your life?  I am.  Marriage or not, here I come.

Holding Out For a Fairy Tale?

I’d love to marry a mediocre man.”

Whoever heard such a statement? And yet, there are many Christian women saying this very thing by their actions. They might not come out and say they want to trade their purity for pleasure but that is exactly what they are communicating by how they flaunt themselves, who they’ve settled with, how they manipulate relationships and how they play with men’s hearts.

Or more subtly how they view singleness, their lack of contentment, their martyrs spirit as a single, their hostility towards waiting for the “perfect man.”

Many women become impatient and jump when the opportunity arises. Or they lower their expectations for a future mate. Or their standards of conduct are lessened. What once were convictions are now seen as naive dreams and childish fantasies. I’ve actually met bitter single women. It’s a sad thing. I’ve also known young women who were tired of waiting and settled for less.

I want to encourage you. Why would you lower your standards just to avoid singleness? Without even exploring the beautiful gift singleness is, we can realize that being “alone” is ten times better than being married to the wrong guy.

Keeping to our standard comes down to a matter of trust. If we don’t trust that He will give His best in His time, we WILL lower our standard. And yet He delights in giving good gifts to His children.

He doesn’t need us to go looking for our guy. Frenzied Internet date searches really aren’t a good picture of a women trusting His timing. Neither are schemed meetings, “innocently” planned remarks, or trying to win over the potential parents -in- law! 🙂 You might not hunt at Starbucks like I’ve seen some women do, or join single Christian sites, but what about at church? What does our body language portray? Some girls I’ve known would never think to post themselves on a dating site, yet they flaunt their “potentiality” by the way they talk, walk and clothe themselves. Even Christian young women. I recently saw a picture of a young lady that I know on Facebook. The very attitude in her pose suggested sensuality. And she is fourteen. Without knowing her I would have no idea that she is a Christian. And she belongs to a “strong” Christian family.

We serve Jesus. The Almighty Creator of the universe. Why do we fear that He can’t possibly orchestrate our love life for us?

We don’t have to sit on the side lines, passively yawning our single years away. Godly women are industrious, knowledgeable, prayer warriors…that doesn’t just magically happen while we walk down the aisle. That’s why we pursue these things now in our singleness.


We also need to keep in mind that marriage is not a goal to attain.  Marriage is a gift.  Just like singleness.  Today He has called us to singleness.    

If we let Him choose, we will receive the best. God couldn’t possibly sacrifice His son for us, love us, mold us, sanctify us, become part of our every day, only to leave life’s 2nd most important decision up to our finite imperfect hands. He cares too much.

Ladies, a real man will cherish purity. God’s man will not fit our culture’s standards. Of course he wont’ be perfect. He’s human! But a man going after God must reflect God’s attributes. A real man will honer our standards. He will act like a child of the King.

A father would never want his daughter to marry a man less than himself. Our heavenly Father has given us an innate longing to marry a man like Himself. Just take a look at your “list” of what you desire in a man. They are attributes of God. We don’t have to be ashamed of this God-given desire.

Of course our Prince Charming will be human and make mistakes and have weaknesses. But He doesn’t want us settling for anyone less than His planned best.

And we don’t have to. We aren’t holding our for a Fairy Tale. We are waiting on Him to script our love story, in His way, in His time. Our responsibility: to desire His will. And because we desire His will, our man will be our dream come true.   

The One

 



While sharing my heart and my convictions on relationships, singleness, and future spouses it interests me to hear women’s responses.  Some people tell me, “Wow….that’s awesome for you…but quite unrealistic in today’s culture.” I know that some peers even think that I will end up an old maid.  I’ve been told I’m “Old fashioned”.  But not all responses are negative, (not that being “old fashioned” is a negative!). Some women have asked questions.  Recently I had someone ask me some very good pointed questions concerning these issues and I thought I would share them with you.

“I am wondering…how then do young women identify “the one” if not able to get to know the person? …If you are to save your thoughts and heart for your future husband, how do you know who that man is until you talk to him, share your thoughts and values and determine what his thoughts and values are? Did I misunderstand something? I believe that God knows who the one is for you, but how does He reveal him to you?”

These are quite relevant and even understandable questions. I decided I would not only answer them….but share my answers with you.

Of course the Lord reveals “the one” to us in individual unique ways, since each one of us have unique and individual circumstances.

But, how does the Lord show us anything in our lives? He shows us through prayer, our authorities and His word.  And certainly with something so huge as our life’s mate I think He has a will concerning such a choice.

It was asked how we will be able to identify “the one” if we aren’t able to get to know the person…  Of course we can get to know him!  But it first starts just as with any brother of Christ: on a careful sisterly/brotherly basic relationship.

I have been told by multiple couples that the best way to learn someone is to see how they handle the real life, day to day situations.  Especially if you can BEFORE you are interested in each other and trying to impress the other individual.  Seeing how the young man treats his mom is a tell tale sign of how he will treat his future wife.  Many of the important issues can be best evaluated on a emotionless level. 

For example:

 Is he saved?

 Is it apparent?

 What is his relationships with his family and Pastor like?

 What Bible does he believe in?  

What’s his worldview?  

Could you possibly respect him?

 Is he diligent in his work?

 How does he spend his money?

 What do other’s think of him?

 What’s your best friend’s opinion of him?

 Does he meld well with your family?

 Is he respectful of your Dad?  

Who are his friends? 

You can be quite sure of these things without ever giving your heart away.  You don’t have to share your thoughts and feelings with the guy to figure out these things.  The easiest way to do this is to spend time as families….your family with his family. Obviously our families knows us best…we can’t pretend to be someone we aren’t with our family there.  Same with him and his family.  It’s a safe and realistic outlook.  Of course everyone’s circumstances vary….but it’s really the ideal.  

THEN, if the things that are important to you meet your standards, and he expresses interest in you, that’s when you seek God’s revealing.  He WILL show you.  He knows your man! And He will be more than willing to show you either a “yes”, “no”, or “not yet”.  He has always made it very clear for me.

That’s also a benefit of being close to your protectors (ie: our fathers and if we have them: brothers.).  They usually know “the guy” much better than we do….I have asked my brothers opinion on guys before. This way, no heart strings need ever to be attached or at risk of being severed later on. 

This is pain free and purity guaranteed.  🙂   

And then, when God does give us the “yes”, then begins the journey of learning the person on a different level of relationship…courtship.

But that’s a whole separate topic! I hope this was a blessing to you. When the Lord would have you identify your man, He will make it clear. There will be plenty of opportunity to share thoughts and values later on.

Be encouraged dear girls! Your hearts are worth protecting! Be careful for nothing…realize His thoughts toward you are good thoughts and numbered over the grains of the sand. He loves you and if marriage is in your life’s plan, then certainly He will not keep you “in the dark” for forever.

Your man is saving his heart…how could we do less?