As I become older, and my girlfriends do as well, we are faced with many challenges involving relationships.
It would seem that when we take a stand for purity, suddenly the enemy picks us out of the crowd and attacks. Lately many girls that I know have been under attack (including myself) in regards to relationships.
I want to encourage you, dear hearts.
In this day and age, godly men are rare. Honestly, it can be discouraging to stop and take note that the handful of godly men we know seem to be ancient sages, married, or….our little brother. 🙂 We are inundated by the World’s standard of men; surrounded by what the world deems as “real men” in our music, television, social media, novels, magazines, etc. As Christian women we have been brought up to know that these are not the kind of men we should desire to marry. We know we want a Bible-believing, God fearing, Godly man. So we wait. As we become older we realize there aren’t really that many young men that fit such a description. So when a guy comes a long that seems to be okay…our first inclination might be… “maybe he’s ‘it’!”
We are enamored. He likes me! Someone actually likes me! And….he isn’t a bad guy. He’s actually really sweet.
We begin to compromise. Girls, I want to share some truths that keep coming up before me over and over again. Truths that I have been trying to share with some friends. Truths that come to me while I pray, truths the Lord has given me in my own struggles. These are truths you might need to hear again. Even though you were taught them, or you know them to be true. People do not discuss them much. And right now, in this day and age, and more specifically, at this time in my life, I am seeing innocence under siege.
Girls, a lost man is incapable of loving you. He can’t. Because God is love, and without Him, it is impossible to love.
The lost man that is pursuing you might be a nice guy, but stop and think why you wouldn’t marry him. The reasons that just came to mind should be the same reasons to keep you from encouraging any relationship with him. False love is more destructive than hate. It will catch you unguarded and leave you deeply wounded.
If this guy isn’t an option right now, than he shouldn’t be a struggle either. He shouldn’t be treated like an option. Maybe he is a Christian, but your family doesn’t have a peace about him. You aren’t sure. If your brothers, Dad or Pastor, feel uncomfortable about the guy, you should too. Men understand men better than we do.
We, as ladies, are prone to weakness. Our hearts are easily moved. Admit it, we are emotionally driven. Predators are attracted to weak prey. Not all men are predators by any means. Many are protectors. But all women are weak when it comes to the heart. We will attract predators. With this knowledge we can take precautions by allowing ourselves to be protected and guarding our hearts.
We shouldn’t start a relationship we know might have to be ended. Many girls I know right now have come to a “Y” in their relationship path. And they don’t even want to admit they have to make a choice.
Girls, there is no such thing as neutral ground. I am seeing the same scenarios in these various young ladies lives. Of course there is balance….we have to realize that temptations come and they in and of themselves are not sins. (See post on Temptations ) But, if you are in a less than good relationship, and you know that it cannot continue, then a decision must be made. Not to decide is a decision. You are choosing to move forward.
There is no such thing as being a good friend with a guy who wants to pursue you. He doesn’t want to “just be a friend”. Being this man’s friend is not an option.
This man is either the man God has chosen for you, or he isn’t. There isn’t an in between. And if the Lord does not give you or your God-given-authorities peace about him than he is a “no”. And must be treated as such. To do otherwise would be dishonest and hurtful to him.
Some girls don’t want to make the decision. They would rather choose to “struggle” instead. Because it is easier and feels better to have someone attracted to you. You feel attached to this man.
He won’t magically go away on his own if he isn’t the right guy. You can’t soothe your conscience by deciding that in the future you will make a choice. It’s a cross roads now. It won’t happen unless you decide to decide now.
Continuing to be around this guy, fellowshipping, contacting, continuing to “get to know” and be “friends” is inappropriate. Who in their right mind, while on a sugar-free diet, would prepare chocolate cake? Even if they didn’t plan on eating it?
Girls, your heart is at stake! Your purity, your future husband and your future children. Not to mention your little siblings who are watching you.
What if he is meant for later on down the road? Perfect. You can wait; for all things not in His time are not beautiful. God is bigger than our no.
Is compromise considerable when it comes to the 2nd most important decision in our life? It’s difficult to be objective when our feelings are tangled up in the matter. I know. But we must let God guide us. It is imperative. If we manipulate our circumstances now, we will never know if “he” really was the one or not. When hard times come, you will doubt.
Does God know who we will marry? Absolutely! Then, why do we struggle?
We struggle because we choose to side with our flesh instead of choosing to love that man. If we truly loved him we wouldn’t vaunt ourselves, we wouldn’t seek our own. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
We love the enjoyment we get out of the relationship more than we love the person himself. It’s true. If we know continuing down this relationship path is potentially harmful, or not His will, less than good, than to continue on anyway is purely selfish.
“It has been said that we never really love anyone until we can do without them for their good.” (Hannah Whitall Smith in God is Enough, 139)
Convicting. He has someone picked out for us. If He is silent on the matter of who our man is, it’s on purpose. There is a reason. Our outward conduct is important, but so is our inward. For as a man thinketh, so is he…and what is in the heart we will speak. What is in our heart we will do. Even if sub-consciously we have decided we won’t take a stand, then we won’t. It is possible for a Christian young woman to revel in selfishness. Or, we can take a stand. Of course our fathers can help us in this….but ultimately it is your choice whether to give your heart away or not. Let’s take a stand. Your heart is worth fighting for.
Never give in to compromise.