Knight #4


I hope these are as encouraging to you as they have been to me.  It is a blessing to realize that godly men appreciate the kind of women we aspire to be!  It’s also assuring to know that such young men exist…  Like this Knight admonishes…we don’t have to settle for less than who He has planned for us!


To see the questions I asked these young men please see this post.

Knight # 4

Age: 17

The two highly contested questions were as to whether young women should stay at home and whether external beauty should be primary focus.

First off is the mentality that if you stay at home you will never find a husband. That is completely false. I have seen too many great marriages that defy that and far too many bad marriages come from the world’s ‘traditional’ approach.

The other misconception is that not moving out must lead to inactivity and ‘dreaming your life away’. Having sisters, I can tell you that home is an essential place of preparation for marriage, both in observing the example of parents and in learning life skills.
Also the Bible never says anything against young women being entrepreneurs. The Bible example, the Proverbs 31 woman, ‘Maketh fine linen and selleth it; and deliverith girdles onto the merchants’. Private enterprise and business such as I have seen from various Christian young women in the area, is in my mind productive and also helps prepare for the running of a household.

Secondly as to whether beauty should be your focus. While I would say that there should certainly be a prudent amount of cleanliness and tidiness, that falls under being a good steward of your body and shows an orderly character.

I also believe that there is a certain amount of danger if beauty becomes too much of a focus. Men, Christian or secular are naturally attracted to beauty, and if beauty is the only attribute used to attract a husband, a husband who is only interested in outward is what you will get. You want to be married to a man who has his priorities straight and puts God first.

I will move onto the last question as to expectation of a future wife.

First, to be a saved, conservative Christian of course, under which a lot of other points could fall. (Modesty, submission to her husband, disciplining and training up children in the Lord). Also a homemaker and a homeschooler, who would let God decide how many children she would be blessed with.

There is my opinion from what I have seen in the Bible and observed in life and I hope it helps. In closing I would just say that God has the perfect spouse in mind for all who he wishes to be married. Don’t settle for anyone less than who he has planned.

Knight #5

To see the questions I asked these young men please see this post.

 

Knight #5

Age 26

It is true that a man wants his wife to be industrious. But being home or not being home is not the real question, because the woman can be industrious at home, as well as industrious outside of the home; and a woman can be as lazy at home, or outside of the home, in either case it’s a matter of how industrious the girl is, not whether she’s at home or not.

An industrious girl at home is especially nice because most men like a woman who has homemaking skills. That is, at least most good Christian men.

Also, I think it is good for young women to have a ministry and outreach. As in the case of you writing this book. Or outside of home as in a missions ministry. But the true test is not that one is better than the other but God’s will in each case can be different for each person.

I’ve heard of, and known, young women that go to college (to get a bachelor degree…hee hee), but their driving motivation was not to find God’s will, but a husband. A godly man wants to marry a wife who is in God’s will.
A woman was never intended to go out and find a man and this is not our example in scripture. Rebecca was home and God brought her the right husband. Christ came all the way and gave everything to win His bride. The important thing is to be in God’s will, seeking Him first. Then it is in His hands and it is His responsibility. He is the greatest at creating love stories. And most people don’t realize how important it is to be 100% sure that you are marrying God’s will for your life.

It was never a concern of mine whether I would meet my future wife if she only stayed home. Again, it goes back to a matter of whether you are going to take matters into your own hands or trust that God is big enough to work in whatever situation. He will not lead someone to stay home and then not bring them a husband because they were obedient to His will. What kind of a sick fiend do we think God is?

But again, better not to marry than to marry outside of the will of God. Husbands are a big responsibility and most are very immature. No matter how old a man is he never really grows up until married. You need to be sure that the one God has for you is the one you marry. The real trick isn’t finding Mr. Right but which one is Mr.. Right. Satan always throws his best at you before you find God’s best. Don’t settle. Better to not be married than marry the wrong guy. Be praying for your future husband too. He needs it.

Also a few good ways to know if the one is the right Mr. Right is –

#1 if there is confusion or you’re unsure, stop. Stop and stop. Don’t go forward if you don’t have peace. Wait. It never hurts to wait on God’s will and God’s timing. If there is confusion or lack of peace, it either means wrong guy, or right guy with wrong time. In either case waiting is best. Also seek council from parents and others you respect. And seek council from the ultimate counselor – God. I’ve had many girls that said when it was the wrong guy, the Lord didn’t answer them when they would ask for guidance. There was confusion and questioning. It wasn’t until after they stopped and broke it off, that they knew the answer was no. Other young ladies have waited and broken it off only to find that he was the right one.

But there is another reason for telling a guy to wait. It will show you the character of the young man when a man is told no, or not now, and gets upset and mad. Disappointed is okay, if he wasn’t I’d be worried there was no affection there. His response will show the character and commitment of the man.

This question almost makes me upset. Should girls stay fit and toned, and concentrate on being beautiful? No its not true. Yes, I think sadly physical appearance is important to most men. And I don’t think someone should get married where there’s no physical attraction. You should like the way your spouse looks. But this is not a #1 priority. You want a man to marry you for you. Not your body. If you try to get a husband by looking beautiful, what kind of shallow guy are you going to get? You want your husband to be attracted to you yes, but if this is what you base a relationship on not only is it shallow but also temporal. It is truly a trap, because what happens when you gain weight, get stretch marks, wrinkles and grey hair? Then you will be insecure. Always striving to keep up an outward appearance which is truly vanity. Proverbs 31:30 says beauty is vain but a woman that fears the lord she shall be praised. If you want to attract a husband put on the joy of Christ! And then you will attract the right kind of man and avoid all the drama of having to beat off all the young men that are only interested in pleasing themselves. There is nothing as beautiful and downright irresistible as a young women who shines with the joy and true beauty of Christ. I’ve heard it said that the best beauty products are free. Smile, laugh, and oh one more thing… Christ-likeness 🙂

Knights Survey

Recently I contacted some of our brothers in Christ. 

This is what I wrote to them:

Hello!

I was wondering if you would do me a favor?

I am currently writing a book called “Maid Arise!”

It is my humble desire to encourage my sisters of the faith in their adventure of being godly young women for Christ in the 21st Century.

Recently I have been reading some other books that are written by godly women that are geared towards the same readers I hope to address. Even though these authors have a lot of wise advice to share, I was surprised at a couple of similar underlying themes. I’d like to share two of them with you.

These authors mentioned that there is a danger of girls becoming “hidden flowers”. That we can lead a sheltered life and “Prince Charming” will never find us if we are narrow minded enough to stay at home and only think of serving our family. We need to get out in the world! Find our ministry! How else will men realize that we are “available”? One author said young men want to marry women who are industrious, not someone who stays at home and dreams her life away.

Also, one author mentioned the number one importance to most guys she has talked to was that their future wife be beautiful. She admonished her girl readers to stay fit and toned, and concentrate on being beautiful.

This is where you come in.

I’m not sure what type of men she was asking, but I want to know your opinion. I respect you as godly brothers and want to know what you think. In my book I would like to address these two issues. The world tells us we need to “find our career” and strive for perfect beauty….now our Christian mentors are similarly admonishing us.

You probably can guess what I think. But I can write a whole book on the subject and it won’t matter to many girls if they believe this is what young men think. This is why I’m asking for your honest opinion. And I really want to hear what you have to say, not what you think I believe. What are some important expectations of your future spouse? What do you think of these author’s advice?

Thank you for your help!

Your sister in Christ,

Toni

 I’d like to share the different responses from the young men that answered my questions.  Today I am posting…

Knight # 3

Age 19

Beauty

I would definitely agree with the statement that as young men we want wives that are beautiful. The only problem is how young women, (and young men), interpret that. Our culture tells us that “beautiful” means looking like a glamorous model, or I should say, pretending to look like a model by applying gobs of make-up and wearing the most attractive clothing.

What does beautiful really mean? The Websters 1828 Dictionary says that the definition of beauty is, “Elegant in form; fair; having the form that pleases the eye”.

Honestly when reading this definition I think of a stereotypical pretty girl, maybe a princess, the kind of girl that is popular and everyone’s friend. But that is so wrong. Beauty is not what the majority claims it to be or what our culture says it is. When we interpret beauty through the eyes of the majority, our view will always be changing and inconsistent. When we ascribe beauty to those privileged few who mesmerize the word as models and celebrities we automatically condemn the majority of girls that will never attain that model status as under par or even ugly. But there is nothing further from the truth.

Beauty is not based on how fit, or how toned we are, or how we style our hair. Girls that dress up like models are only hiding behind the world’s expectations. Yes, beautiful girls are attractive, but again, I ask, what is beauty?

Beauty is the girl so filled with the person of Jesus Christ that His beauty shines through her. Beauty is the girl that is so in love with Christ that the opinions of the world mean nothing to her. Beauty is the girl that so revels in the acceptance of her Savior that she doesn’t have to prove to others that she is worthy. Beauty is the girl that is known by the purity of her heart, revealed in her actions, dress and conversation. Beauty is the girl that is so lost in the character of Christ that His light and beauty radiates from her face.

You might think that the difference in the definition of beauty that I just gave and the one by Noah Webster doesn’t matter, but I disagree.

We often see beauty as through the tainted eyes of the world. Webster says “…having the form that pleases the eye.”

What is more beautiful to the eye than one fully surrendered to the perfect will of God? I’m not saying I want to marry someone “ugly”, but that the most beautiful women in the world’s standards pales in comparison to the humble simplicity of a girl dressed in the garments of His holiness.

If we are so intent on that outward beauty what do we think of Christ of whom Isaiah wrote about in Is. 53:2, “…he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him?”

What would our answer be to Him when He says “come unto me?” As the purest Groom He sought us, despite our uncomeliness, for that wonderful beauty of fellowship.

Home

I want my future wife to be serious and dedicated to what she will be devoting the rest of her life to; being a mother and a wife. Part of that devotion would be shown by preparation.

If you were told that you would be singing a solo next Sunday, wouldn’t practicing and preparing be the wise and obvious thing to do? Why is it different with the important and life-long profession of homemaker?

To say that guys won’t be interested in a girl that sits around at home all day is illogical. Actually there are two fallacies in that statement. When you say “sit around all day” that builds a straw man argument. Of course a girl that sits around all day is undesirable. But what does “sitting around all day” have to do about preparing to be the helpmeet God has chosen her to be? The drudgery of the everyday, and the monotony of consistency are some of the hardest things you will ever face.

The second fallacy in that statement can be summed up, by saying this, saying that guys won’t be interested in girls that sit around all day is like saying a short handed hospital wouldn’t be interested in a highly trained medical doctor searching for employment. The only time that wouldn’t be true would be if the homemaker is onto what the searching guy is looking for. What better proof of her competence in raising your future children than a young woman passionate about the care of her own siblings?

As long as she isn’t lazy, a young women that is a home maker at heart is admirable. It shows character and confidence to me in that she doesn’t have to “go with the flow” of modern day culture and is willing to take the Biblical challenge that most women these days have shunned.